allegorical kung-fu

Previously , I thought that since I haven’t experienced failing in business I wouldn’t also lose in some midget war in life!  My archi-stud friend in HKU thought that all of my life experiences will be far more superior compared to any strategist’s plans.  In business, I’m continually amazed that my core strategies are really sound (even if it looks crazy) but maybe not too usable in real life. I was brought up as a child in a rough public market environment.  I grew up seeing gang wars (use of psywars), extreme gambling (where I got my love for statistics), drugs (not me.  my seatmates sa chess club), national scale syndicates (where my opportunity meister skills have been sharpened) and most things where a kid of a military father will be exposed.  I grew up to understand the simple actions, reflexes, slight hand movements, facial gestures, phrasing of words, use of words, timing of speech and a lot of other things that I process to relate to an opportunity for attack.  I know I see an opportunity faster than most people and it is usually without the knowledge of the prey that it’s that weakness that I’m using as an entry point.

During high school, we were trained by a renowned chess teach, psychological chess!  Contrary to public opinion national level speed chess is not on the technical and logical skills (since it is assumed that you already have that).  It is more on the control of emotions.  I’m used to acting weak when I’m strong and acting strong when I’m weak.  I know what intensity of tapping (and wrecking too) of the chess clock that would bring fear, anger, guilt, liking (if chics) and insult to an unsuspecting opponent without using words.  I know how to use sounds, eye movements and especially timing to mount attacks.  Maybe that is what was meant by Carlo on his testimonial, “sa kibot kibot nya pa lang pirdi ka na”.  I play on rhythm and intensity on blitz games. All of these helped me become a good strategist in business since it is very much like chess!  You just consider winning and not care how badly your opponent looses (hala..i remember some vivid emotional crys of some competitors), as long as you get what you want.  I attacked with a lot of funny things in business where Jun remarked last Sunday, “wala ka man ya business ethics when you do such!”  It’s business.  It is how things are.  Evolve or die out in the cold as I always say.

To do these you must not be understood by anyone.  You must purposely act weird by letting people see your capacities of being extremely good and extremely bad beyond their imaginations!  But these capacities must be also true.  That’s why Iva says, that I really have a very simple life that I’m complicating when most people coat their complicated lives in simplicity! I was sharing to John the strategy of how these grade 3 rice traders ensure winning in business in far away places.  And unlike the kids of these people, I can’t mix personal life with business.  How I wish I can.  How I wish I would use all my “allegorical kung-fus” to manipulate people by hiding in the cloak of weirdocrity (hahaha.creating words again..) to just get what I want (even if it’s wrong).  How I wish that the level of my personal ethics is the same as my business ethics!  How I wish I wouldn’t really care about how badly they’ll get stumped and used that they will not be able to go back to their lives!  How I wish that I may really be coerced to show my true capacities (even if I don’t need to).  How I wish I can just show what can be possible (as I do in business) without hurting people.  How I wish I wouldn’t care how they’ll feel after.  How i wish i’ll challenge my “no lose” statistics.  But I’m not really this same person in real life.  I am a very simple person with a conscience who listens to friends even if I may look like a hard-headed moron!hahaha

As a retrospect, daw hindi naman ni maintindihan sang iba na tawo except for the people I mention here who understands the nitty bits inside the seeming complications of my twisted mind.  I just need to let this out.

kite season

it’s summer on an april fool’s yesterday!

a season for playing, enjoying and bein carefree like crazy.  playing with kites reminiscing my childhood days inside the training camp in silang cavite (formerly pc tracom) was a heartwarming thought.  it is so nice to watch a thing you labored and designed intricately with visuals and specially sound (i forgot the humming thing nene screetched off on the bamboo strips on the rear of the kite to force a humming sound on the gliding wind) fly high that you could hardly see the intricacy!

one of our team member, lorenzo “nene” juarez is a master craftsman of competition kites.  it’s not a competition for aesthetics but a competition for kite wars!  cut off the competiting kite’s lines with your line and the power of a 1-2 meter wide kite handled by two adult people atleast.  he is popular on this and people come to their home to be built one.

i was reflecting that i should also change seasons now.  i should be a kite!  i should learn to fly.  i should learn to stop crafting the aesthetics of my laurels by flying high and let go so  that it could be hardly seen.  by flying high, instead of observer’s seeing me i see the vast emptiness of the lord’s plan for me.  vast emptiness for growth.  for seeing beyond my fields and shores.  for seeing life in a brand new light, from a kite’s eye view!  for never worrying that my life will be cutted of by wind pressure the more i fly high!  the more i let go, the more i’ll lose control but i’ll be more near the sky as most of the intricately designed kites wants too.

im complicating my life as iva said.  im adding more designs to the kite that adds weight for flying since i still feel that i can but common sense dictates to fly light with only the necessary things.  i have a light and strong line for control that im so lucky to have as she said that i don’t know it (perhaps what she meant was appreciate.hehehe)!

superficiality

i was reflecting last week.  i seem to act with urgency, drama and excitement on just simple eventualities of my life!  eventualities of not so real stuff compared to shaking problems of a typical human being.  i act as if it was a world of problems when real people’s problems is a kaleidoscope of sorts!  real problems of family life, finances, relationships, mindsets, failures, challenges and even dreams that are far beyond my ka-OAhan complications!

i felt that i am so loved by the lord.  wala man ko sang real problems gid of that magnitude.  i only have conceptual problems that i create, maybe to excite me and maybe to solve most-likely problems of the future (imagine sa future pa)!hahaha in short, binuang lang!hahaha here are some:

i felt na i can’t decide to commit on marriage now because i don’t want to have a family life like most people.  sa survey, 84% of families has either or both parents having extra marital affairs (and i bet its far higher that stat since damo man hindi manugid or madakpan).  ofcourse it is a kaleidoscope of reasons.  things from a nagging wife, a less earning breadwinner, a poor connect on the level of conversations, a “libog” of sorts to physical attractiveness, an obsession for material things and a lot of other stuff.

things that i slowly and tried to continually solve now to have none of these issues affect any of my kids when they grow up.  to have a perfect childhood!  solutions that are too simple and weird to do.  i know na hindi na ko madala subong sang physically attractive chic since i’ve realized years before that beauty and sexiness is just superficial.  things i learned from dating beautiful women.  after mag-edad ano?hehehe ofcourse, kasimple sang sabat.  you shouldn’t sell your whole life with a superficial beautiful gal since in your 40s it is just a 10,000 peso experience to have a 20 year old super gorgeous and clean chic!  just joking with common logic!  i have created conceptual problems of these sorts earlier in life pero i try to not go overboard to make it a future learning and not a present problem..hehehe

if kami ni crystal, i know na hindi issue ang meeting a much more intelligent chic to share ideas and life with since honestly when we were a couple i never met someone more intellectually exciting than her!  hindi man issue ang wealth potentials (i guess these type of issues drives most family problems) since we both acknowledge that wealth is just a state of mind.  people don’t have financial flexibilty because their minds are closed.  so in a physical, intellectual and wealth potential sense i know that these issues are already solved by creating conceptual (but not so real) problems that may have hurt both of us in some way.  but to not bring a tear to our future kids!

my fear is what if i’d like someone for “no reason”?  someone inferior in a finger-counting sense but defies reason.  someone i can’t label as just beautiful, just intelligent and just wealthy to kill off interest.  someone i just like without thinking!  i know the answer to these as i knew the answer to being drawn physically to people years before, but these can be only solved by being in the situation and not as a 3rd-party reader of self-help books!  i know that feelings are “fickle”.  daw “tigbaw nga ginadapya sang amihan”.  pero i won’t know until i cross the bridge.  what if love is really risking (not placing into consideration being a part of the 84%) just to be personally elated at that instant?  pero daw sala, daw ka selfish.hehehe pero hindi ko kabalo.

i guess it is still best to solve these issues before marriage (i guess it is the primary purpose of having a pre-marriage relationship).  in a philippine societal setting, i guess women rush to marriage when they have physical contact with the one they have present relationships.  it is not that they are ready for the long-haul but its because of a security need.  so i guess its part of the reason why it is a high 84%++ ( i would even bet that its 95% if gasugid lang tanan maayo..hehehe daw laka gd man families ko na kilala na la prob..hehehe).  ginapilit ta lang neglect ang reality because we are cataracted with the feeling of love.  if you noticed, puro lang “ako” dire ang may issue.hehehe  i trust crystal morethan i trust myself.  she is the only person i know who is a well made and a strong person that is less affected by these ka-OAhan stuff..hehe  maybe because of being truly near to the lord.

pero again, nahuya ko sang gnapang-sulat ko.  it is not even comparable to real problems of people.  it’s a future issue i’m trying to solve now.  and it looks superficial.  and i may look like a paranoid.  pero it’s also the same superficial way i handle my businesses that’s why i haven’t failed so far.  again, i wish that my choice is right!hehehe