silvercoating!

what do we treasure about our love one that is beyond compare (or to rephrase that can not be compared)?  sige na gani! in kanto boy terms, “paano mo mapamatud-an nga wala mo ginagamit lang ang imo karelasyon?”
as i noticed most people choose their partner based on physical appearance and attractiveness.  by the time their bodies get bloated (a usual occurence in pregnancy and going to beer junkies) a different assumption of the situation is taken in. when people primarily treasure their partner because of sex(iness) and displayability (what a word!), then the 84% probability that atleast one of the partners is cheating is holding ground (on average 60% of people do, so its a combined 84% probabability that atleast one seriously cheats in a lifetime while presenting a smile to their kids when going home..hehehe).  so enough with the physical comparisons because our only body depreciates and the insatiability of wants only increases.  that’s morethan common sense!hehehe

some people choose their partner primarily on intellect.  this is less of a deteriorating facet.  if you found a superbly intellectual partner, its less likely you’ll find a more intelligent one (because finding a sexier choice is easier..hehehe) but it is also inevitable that people are only getting smarter. so as to shaken this choice, when a new intelligent human being just presents itself from mere social probabilities.hehehe

on wealth, their are families broken because one partner became broke!  also, some expectations on earning potential is not met. their is also a risk that a chosen partner has a disastrous spending problem which might again rock the boat when things get rough or a better choice promote itself.  people are oftentimes blinded by money (infact the secret of successful individuals is to always choose ideas before money)

there is always a wealthier person, a sexier person, a more intelligent person and other comparisons which can be presented in a more dramatic superlative adjective.hehehe people who never consider this possibility will ofcourse blindly fall to its trap.  i guess not morethan 90% could say they had not used this simple parameters on choosing the one they have now..  i wanted to hear things that may sound “weird”.  something distinct you like in a person that is beyond compare but will be of no value to most people.  what’s valuable to you (which you can exchange to all of the above parameters) that’s actually of no real value?

a cynic view, are we just silver coating on the word “love”, a real need to “use” people if we value them on intellect, wealth or physical attraction?  can their be “love” minus the “use”?

just joking, after your valentine spending rituals!

the agony and joy of loving an ultra successful girlfriend

i was thinking how i develop story lines.  it first starts with a title and then an approach is made while talking to the person who triggered the moment.  my mind is wondering around in my imagination while inside the conversation.while talking to crystal until my cellphone battery was off (luckily its half empty to just spend 150 minutes) 3 days ago, i was thinking “damn! i should have used the landline but i also want no one to hear..”.  seriously, i was thinking about this article and how to develop it.  is there really a mix of agony and joy in loving an ultra successful gf?  i guess there is.

let us use the acronym USGF and here are the observations:

1.  having a USGF will make time as more of a constraint.  in her case i can not talk to her even for 10 minutes without arguing 2 weeks ago.  that includes sundays, holidays and even night time!hehehe i can not talk to her even at 2am and she would be ballistic if i force the issue.  ofcourse they are doing audit work to be reviewed by CMC for US SEC.

2.  having a USGF will make my topics and projects less appreciated than that of typical folks and friends.  even if i talk with excitement on my inventive and artistic endeavours, i feel that “gapasakay” lang because it could never be a match to the importance of the billions of dollars that their audit is valued.  in my case, im lucky that my brain is wired with demotivations.  i can never stop thinking of how to make my projects more ingenious to deserve her time.  ofcourse she contends and just says that its only my perception of not so real things..hehehe its right.  its a perception of demotivation that motivates me more.

3.  having a USGF, will make me more humble.  unlike how i treat and value other people, she deserves respect morethan any other.  when i meet older corporate executives who earn more than me, i still think that i can have their success with age.  infact in lessthan 2 years time!  i can exceed the earning of a typical top executive..in my dreams!hehehe when i meet promising young corporate people, it makes me compare how i was on that age and usually have inititial respect.  after a year however, i value them on the increment that they had made and mostly it disappoints (sorry for the sharp concepts..its just on my mind).  also with that increment thing, i have less respect on people who got a great life from inheritances and make less incremental improvements on it and most of the time stagnates if not loosing.

i respect the grade 3 folks of iloilo.  the people who started from scratch.  and the people who gave their life for service to our society (real government workers).  crystal’s type is the only exception and challenge that i fear on that corporate world.  it seems that they don’t earn much now but the more they sacrifice with this 2am-type work the more they propel to excellence.  infact if i value it now, i have a hard time catching up with her valuation on the international job market.  she’s a person i can’t shrug off with my businesses because she is equally as excellent in the field that she is in.  i can’t have the right to ask her to stop working and help with the business and for that it challenges me more.  i can not simply force my ideas to her because she commands my respect.

4.  im imagining if i chosed someone who would be less critical and less hard to “wow” but more of the display-type, i might be just bored because she might not connect on the wide divide and frequency of new concepts i have in mind.  im imagining that she might go nuts in keeping up with this and will soon be just contented to follow.  i might be bored with that situation.

so in each of the numbers here, it is both an agony and a joy.  however, if life is in “silent mode” it is more of an agony.  it made me realize that im asking the impossible from the lord.  how could i have an equally respectable partner, who also has a brilliant mind (i mean not your typical UP grad), with an amazing success in her profession, who you can fully trust, while having time to speak to me all day?  ofcourse im not asking a robot but a person!hehehe so as to understand human body constraints and life in general.

emotional release part II

i need to release all of my hurting and traumatic experiences earlier in life to be more of a person that has life!  a life of positiveness and thanksgiving to our lord.

i’ve drawn out the “heart thorn” part mid last year.  now i’ll draw out the “mind thorn”.  this thorn hits my emotions and persona with pacquiao-like piercing blows when i was younger.

previously, i can’t accept the fact that i have a 99 percentile UPCAT result in math and feels and thinks like a dumb sa UP undergrad math courses.  i feel like an IDIOT!  i feel like a huge DUMB!  and i’m crying in isolation eating up my pride that i’m doing everything and spending every possible time to study math but still fail.  am i just lucky to get that exam rating and i’m for the long time the plainest dumb?

and i never knew the answer to that question until today.

i was amazed and even happy listening how my grad school classmates presented answers for our quantitative analysis course even if wala ang professor.  i was happy that i understood it and thought that was easy.  i was also specially appreciative of how our classmate from westbridge (forgot his name..sorry) explained conceptually the normal curve.  it were things i should have already learned from highschool (if only i was in class and not in chess training).  how did it happened that i still don’t know this things conceptually even in college ?

it’s because of a lot of fortuitous events.  events that haunted me from my young life.  this resulted to my taking up of a master’s degree for the main purpose of EMOTIONAL RELEASE and nothing else.

1.  i was an immature 16 to 18 year old at that time.

2.  entering UP with just a 3rd year HS schooling on my brain (because of chess!). 

3.  i did not have enough money at that time.  our family can not afford to get a boarding house and separate budgeting of meals so as to burden me with the 1 hour atleast travel to and from barotac nuevo each stressing day.  i produce my own money from petty businesses like wood framing and t-shirt printing on days before enrollment.

4.  i do not have any book.  borrowing from the library then would make me wait until the 5pm release when my class ends at 230pm.  on exam days, i’m always late to reserve book in the library since im still from barotac nuevo and always left without a book, a classmate to assist or a teacher to really guide (but ofcourse this is how things are run in UP).

5.  i always choose to leave early to tend the small business that i started (a PC at that time to do desktop publishing designs).  and i’m just happy processing the orders and giving all of the proceeds (and not hold even a dime) to my mother.

6.  i also often skip lunch to save.

7.  i can’t simply act the “pakapal poor boy” way.  since i have a military colonel father and no one would believe in such a funny situation to be receive any help from friends (but not much since i have poor boy friends also).

8.  i don’t ask any extra money since i have proper common sense in not asking from something that is in itself lacking.  it delimits my informal activities spent in school to get informal tutoring from my classmates.  in short, i have no support group for the school pressures.  by the way, i have never attended any evening activity in UP (and you guessed right.  i can not afford the more costly transportation to our town if i leave late)

i guess this explains why no matter how i want to study well.  i can not understand.  Thanks to this grad school, it dawned to me so brightly that it was nearly impossible to ask so much help from the lord at that time with these predicament in place.

if i were the “rj” today, i know i could have done way better since things now are not quite like these.  but in retrospect if i haven’t learned life lessons from streets and hardships at that time, would i be the “rj” today.  i migt just be a scholarly highly-graded moron who knows a lot of things but can not make a lot of things happen from nothing?  things like making a difference to atleast 20 families because of employment.

to be able to be free from this emotional problems,  i guess i should perform well in grad school.  since most of the barriers are already broken down and i have my 20 or so staff to do the business things for me.  i only work now by choice and not because i need to, i hope i will be released from this thorn.

whatever may have happened, i know that god has chosen the best path for me with his “invisible hand” of guidance.  i’m sorry lord for doubting your magnifiscence in letting me fall ealier in life in able to mold me strongly today.

thank you lord jesus.