resisting change

i was driving around the city yesterday in the midst of city traffic to go around some biz friends, cabling contractors (needed an engineering contractor for roof to shop rj11 cabling that follows sm’s standards), lunch with suppliers, some groups study activities and listening to the kerygma feast. me and my apprentice’s topic inside the vehicle was change and our resistance to it. i was sharing how i felt. that i’m reluctant to change although it is inevitable.

i want to be in the same clothes, same friends, same level of reluctant acceptance in conversations, same treatment with acquiantances and the likes. i still want to be hated by the people who despised me, the people who says that im dreaming too much, the people who never believed in my ideas, the people who laughed, the people who thinks we are just bragging about none bankable ideas, the people who once said that i should work instead of dreaming a business from nothing and generally the “can’t do” and “negative people” forcing their nega thought. without their knowledge, they helped me more by not believing. my mind is so wired to be motivated with demotivations! i don’t want all of this to change. maybe morethan half of those people have already changed their minds and hated me less if not liking what i do now. and it eats up my motivation..hehehe also with the projected hyper-growth because of a low point in my life now (hmmm..i usually have hyper-growths on this times), im quite reluctant to change my lifestyle. even if i wanted to have my regular t-shirt and shorts faded if not charred sa kaluma-an parang di na pwede ganoon if some serious typical biz person asks for a meeting (maybe a SY in sometime..hehe who knows?).

i also don’t want to lose my friends now for maybe being grouped with new people for social activities. i want to talk of the same dreams, ideas, sadness and challenges at this entrepreneurial level. ofcourse if i talk about something that is lesser in earning capacity than what i have previously done (they might not be interested in talking about an automatic thing in their assumptions). i remembered processing the certificate of creditable withholding tax sa sm accounting department last month, the officer was saying “you have to go to the owner to correct some entries in the form” and the people who knew me at her back was smiling at me. after a few more stretching of time they joking said, “sya na mapirma”..hehehe crystal was saying that i should dress more professional-like. but its not me! or im just a hard headed resistant to change person.. maybe the only thing that’s been sealing our inevitable growth is my reluctance to change.  instead of growing a seeded project, i plant another seed to be treated as the same lowly seed grower.  but again, 3 of my key people are getting married and so this is maybe the time to grow all our seeds to flourishing trees.  because by the time they have families, we will have different needs.  we have been too patient for grwoth too long but had more experience from it.

daw mapilitan na ko ni magbayo insakto..hehehe

sa diin ka connected?

i often hear this question and at that instant my brain processes a gazillion times and then stalls.. stalling like your memory-deprived computers!whahahaha sa diin gd man? and how could i say my complexity in a simple one sentence blow? truly, im disillusioned. “ano gd man ako?” is a thing i’m having a problem of answering. i know “purist” will always hate me coz i just bump and stuck out my middle finger “gta-style!” (for non gamers its grand theft auto..the violently controversial pc-game used as a metaphor..hehehe

a. for some part im an “artist” with a following and high-valued, high turnover commisioned works (@130,000 on my second month) for doing something which could angrily nerve-wrack computer freaks and traditional artists!whahahaha what a statement. perhaps that’s how i really feel and that’s how i read them. these people will always look at my things with eye-piercing guilt. a guilt that they should have done this if they were without inhibitions earlier in life! its a question of what is and what was supposed to be done. (details will be posted on my future blog entries)

b. for some part im a “hacker” with 2 televised on prime time major attacks. only people who see this things will believe on this. but i stopped. thanks to crystal. pero traditional computer experts will again hate me for doing something without really knowing its technicalities and just using common sense and getting popular..hehehe (details will be posted on my future blog entries)

c. for some part im a “businessperson” with 20 or more people earning directly or indirectly a compensation for the work rendered. but “purist” in a business sense will always hate my ways in which i just show how to better do things and how to do things most people thought not doable without getting the most out of it. not even for a large amount of money. its just to perform a “statement” to the wide theater of real life! (details will be posted on my future blog entries)

d. for some part im a “feeling intellectual” being awarded by abs-cbn a toys award, winning a rotary sponsored regional academic contest, having a 99th percentile entrance exam in UP in math but not using it on the classroom is a pill hard to bite for most people.

e. for some part im a “gamer”. joining and winning some of the pc gaming competitions with monickers like “quicksilver”, “zerc_off” and the likes. and hacking my way thru winning unfairly sometimes.hehehe

f. for some part im a “chess lover”. i havent ate for hours just thinking of the board during highschool. i dreamed of living a chess life when i was younger and got a lot of offers from universities as a varisty chess player. but my coach hates me. to date i remain the only player in an integrated meet match to purposely draw a rook-up game by placing it in front of 3-pawns so that i would only tie for 1st and drop my coach on the process..hehehehe i’m the only player playing on the regional meet with a deciding game against negros occidental with a walkman on! coz its just cool to do!hehehehe chess purists will always hate me..hehehe infact, will throw the table anytime when i play..hehehe

g. for some cases, i feel like a “mind-controller”. having attributed such from our ultra-secret “psychological chess” training in HS..hehehe people will hate me because im never fair with always assymetric information on the favorable side even in love.. my gf once cried for using the phreak-tool to listen in on phone conversations..hehehe

h. for some part i’m a “feeling inventor” not being able to fail in doing a thing where we don’t have any background. i feel specially challenged when people don’t believe that it is doable..hehehe like this cellphone bluetooth control of a powerpoint presentation on our MA to enable danicing on the floor on reports is near completion..hehehe when my parents say nga “ano naman na nga binuang toto ang ginapaubra mo sa tinawo mo”.. i laugh deep inside..hehehe

i. sometime i feel like a “good leader”. in which my team will jump to any challenge and war to support me even on the weirdest of idea. i know that they are esteemed when we do something new..hehehe i don’t even cross-check their records and they alone will auto-correct when someone on the team is astray or will auto-eject such..hehehe i even pay things on a blank check with my signature on and the amount and “pay-to” spaces left blank when i entrust it to them and nothing goes wrong..hehehe

j. i feel like a “shifter” in a sense that i will appear very differently and on far planes to people. i appear as the “pinkasabad nga tawo nga nakilala nila to some people” and a mear snob and introvert to some..hehehe this is perfectly useful in a micro-business environment.

so to answer “diin ka connected?” is such a dillema since most people expect an answer like “i have a water, gaming, vending, arts, satellite tv business” where i just consider being a business person as one part of myself. so to simplify i would like to answer “im your untypical kid which could not fit in in boxes of connections..”hehehe