life in high definition

11 05 2008

i was shocked at how i see things after this break-up.

literally, my senses seemed to be in high defintion audio and video.  colors became more vivid and i seem to see peoples faces on a different light today.  it seemed that my ear is now hearing in wider frequencies and i seem to hum in more interesting tunes!  people’s faces seem to talk.  their eyes seemed to be brighter yet sincere.

my open talk with my new friend who’s name is crystal seemed to be more enjoying!  im even joking her, “pangaluyagan ta ka liwat. hindi mo lang ko pagsabton dayon!”.  its nice that there is no bad feelings between us both.  i understood her work more and i appreciate the sms she does when she cant answer my calls  now.

i know we both need this situation at this time.  we need new perspectives in life and im getting older i needed to mature a little.

i watched “ploning” yesterday.  the cinematography and shadows are great.  i was considering to purchase the nikon d40 dslr yesterday to compliment my new found sensibilities.  yet i don’t have time now.

doing the requested 20ft x 30ft centerpiece artwork now for our church would be in perfect timing with my emotion state and sensibilities.  i know today would be the best time to start on with it artistically, with my last moments in being single.

what the heck!  i dont even have a girlfriend now and im talking about the last moments of being single.

but i know better days are coming.  its like im paul after being blinded and falling off the horse!

laughs.





hopelessness and dreams

9 05 2008

today the most moving thought that came to me was people and friends talking about life outside the philippines.  state university faculty wanting to work as network engineers in UN-afghanistan forces.  people saying that 15,000 pesos is not enough if you have a wife more so 20,000 pesos if you have kids.  people saying that its for their families and their future.  people that are hopeless that philippines would change!

dreamers that want a dream wedding would also consider getting outside the philippines.  as i look at people’s faces now stories and feelings are being felt.  specially on the children’s eyes that frequent my new internet cafe.  parents leaving them here as though this was a day-care center and paying our hourly rates.  the young innocence of this kids struck me.  they are without inhibitions!  they are not worried about future events or even on comparing their stature to other kids as most adults do.

i wanted to photograph this beautiful young kid now that im looking intently typing on characters while seating on the wicker seat.  how i wished that people would think of life as very simple and not complicate it more as in this young kid’s eyes.  how i wish that leaders of this country wouldn’t create artificial problems to deviate topics.  how i wish that this kid lovingly stroking her 3-year old sister would be an obelisk for us to be hopeful of our dreams.

im again connecting unrelated thoughts i see today.





allegorical kung-fu

10 04 2007

Previously , I thought that since I haven’t experienced failing in business I wouldn’t also lose in some midget war in life!  My archi-stud friend in HKU thought that all of my life experiences will be far more superior compared to any strategist’s plans.  In business, I’m continually amazed that my core strategies are really sound (even if it looks crazy) but maybe not too usable in real life. I was brought up as a child in a rough public market environment.  I grew up seeing gang wars (use of psywars), extreme gambling (where I got my love for statistics), drugs (not me.  my seatmates sa chess club), national scale syndicates (where my opportunity meister skills have been sharpened) and most things where a kid of a military father will be exposed.  I grew up to understand the simple actions, reflexes, slight hand movements, facial gestures, phrasing of words, use of words, timing of speech and a lot of other things that I process to relate to an opportunity for attack.  I know I see an opportunity faster than most people and it is usually without the knowledge of the prey that it’s that weakness that I’m using as an entry point.

During high school, we were trained by a renowned chess teach, psychological chess!  Contrary to public opinion national level speed chess is not on the technical and logical skills (since it is assumed that you already have that).  It is more on the control of emotions.  I’m used to acting weak when I’m strong and acting strong when I’m weak.  I know what intensity of tapping (and wrecking too) of the chess clock that would bring fear, anger, guilt, liking (if chics) and insult to an unsuspecting opponent without using words.  I know how to use sounds, eye movements and especially timing to mount attacks.  Maybe that is what was meant by Carlo on his testimonial, “sa kibot kibot nya pa lang pirdi ka na”.  I play on rhythm and intensity on blitz games. All of these helped me become a good strategist in business since it is very much like chess!  You just consider winning and not care how badly your opponent looses (hala..i remember some vivid emotional crys of some competitors), as long as you get what you want.  I attacked with a lot of funny things in business where Jun remarked last Sunday, “wala ka man ya business ethics when you do such!”  It’s business.  It is how things are.  Evolve or die out in the cold as I always say.

To do these you must not be understood by anyone.  You must purposely act weird by letting people see your capacities of being extremely good and extremely bad beyond their imaginations!  But these capacities must be also true.  That’s why Iva says, that I really have a very simple life that I’m complicating when most people coat their complicated lives in simplicity! I was sharing to John the strategy of how these grade 3 rice traders ensure winning in business in far away places.  And unlike the kids of these people, I can’t mix personal life with business.  How I wish I can.  How I wish I would use all my “allegorical kung-fus” to manipulate people by hiding in the cloak of weirdocrity (hahaha.creating words again..) to just get what I want (even if it’s wrong).  How I wish that the level of my personal ethics is the same as my business ethics!  How I wish I wouldn’t really care about how badly they’ll get stumped and used that they will not be able to go back to their lives!  How I wish that I may really be coerced to show my true capacities (even if I don’t need to).  How I wish I can just show what can be possible (as I do in business) without hurting people.  How I wish I wouldn’t care how they’ll feel after.  How i wish i’ll challenge my “no lose” statistics.  But I’m not really this same person in real life.  I am a very simple person with a conscience who listens to friends even if I may look like a hard-headed moron!hahaha

As a retrospect, daw hindi naman ni maintindihan sang iba na tawo except for the people I mention here who understands the nitty bits inside the seeming complications of my twisted mind.  I just need to let this out.








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